An average day if you live like me

I try to remember the intensity of his eyes,
And the soft feeling of his skin,
That smile that masked his fears…
And his laughter that made me grin.

Tears run down my cheeks…
Like the bullets he avoids each day…
This deployment is slowly killing me,
J wish he weren’t so far away…

I look at the empty spot in my bed,
The place where his body should be,
I shake with anguish and curse the gods…
I need him here…with me…

Every morning I wake in a deeper depression,
No one there to give me a kiss hello,
I find I’m losing myself gradually…
If he could only guess…does he know?

I eat and stare into the silence,
I can’t taste the food that passes my lips,
Just going through the motions of living…
I can’t go on like this…

I look forward only to hearing his voice,
Sometimes in reality or in my head,
I hold myself silently and find tears come easy…
Sometimes I wonder if I’m not already dead.

All throughout the day I worry…
War is hell they say…
He seems to be slipping into his own madness…
Will things ever be okay?


I pound my fists into myself,
Making bruises only I can see,
The pain reminds me I’m still living…
The pain is what helps me go to sleep.

Sometimes it’s as if I’m drowning…
Into a pool of my own tears…
Other times it’s as if I’m suffocating,
In the airs of my own fears.

Suddenly I remember his warm embrace,
The way he feels when he kisses my lips…
I remember his eyes when he said, “I love you”
I wonder if he knows how much he’s missed…

This is an average day…an average day,
Where suicide thoughts roam free…
Just an average day…an average day…
If you live a life like me.

This is my original work, DO NOT STEAL IT.