when worry overtakes logic

When worry overtakes logic

I shut my eyes tightly,
Listening to the sounds of my heart pound,
In my hand I hold his picture,
Slowly I drop it to the ground…

As it falls so does my soul,
Without him I can’t live another day…
I glance for a moment at the empty pill bottles,
Soon all the sadness will go away…

My fears have always been recognized,
I knew he’d leave just as the rest…
I LOVE HIM DEAR GODESS!! I love him…
But the truth is he hasn’t left me yet…

I’ve allowed my fears to take hold of me,
I let all logic stay behind…
Will he ever forgive me for leaving this way?
I told him I felt “just fine”

The lies had been piling for some time now,
Can’t have him worry about a worthless me…
As I fall down to my knees in pain,
I realize he had reason to worry.

I’m dying now dear goddess!!
I feel my heartbeat rise,
The room is spinning ever faster now…
For the first time in years I cannot cry.

I promised him forever,
But only kept to till death do us part,
I can suddenly feel his sadness!!!
It’s too late…my teardrops start.

Confusion overwhelms me,
And I pass out on the floor,
Death has now claimed me,
I feel pain…no more.

This is my original work, DO NOT STEAL.

Recipe for a co-dependent woman

Recipe for a co-dependent woman
*3 cups low self-esteem
*2 cups fear of abandonment
*A half-pint of fear of rejection
*2 teaspoons loneliness
*½ cup loss of control

-Marinate this mixture in a dysfunctional family for about 18 years.
-Shake lightly, because you don’t want to kill her, just break her

Serves one unfortunate woman.

This is my original work, DO NOT STEAL.

Sometimes when I think of you

Sometimes when I think of you,
It seems I cannot breathe,
I wish I could just hold you close…
Is that so hard to see?

You’re truly a man of greatness,
Despite what you may say,
I hold myself as my tears fall,
Can I handle another day?

The distance keeps me shaken,
But our love remains strong,
There’s so much I wish I could tell you,
I wish you’ll know before I’m gone.

Sometimes I want to disappear,
The images run through my head,
Sometimes I wonder greatly…
How would you handle it if I was dead?


This is my original work, DO NOT STEAL.

Just a man

For so many years I’ve cowered in the darkness,
Unwilling to believe there was any light,
Then a glimmer shone in my eyes,
And slowly he pulled me from the chronic night.

He told me he’s just a man…just a man,
But in my eyes he was divine,
I fell in love…so deeply in love…
And soon this man will be rightly mine.

He saved me from self-inflicted death,
And began to work on my self worth,
He raised my spirits in such a way!!
If he only knew the magick he’s preformed!

He told me he’s just a man…just a man,
But in my eyes he was divine,
I fell in love…so deeply in love…
And soon this man will be rightly mine.

And then he left…gone for war!
I felt so lost and so confused…
Still through the distance…such a distance…
He keeps me breathing…our hearts still fused…

And he told me he’s just a man…just a man,
But in my eyes he IS divine,
I’ve fallen in love…so deeply in love…
And soon this man will be rightly mine.

This is my original work, DO NOT STEAL.

An average day if you live like me

I try to remember the intensity of his eyes,
And the soft feeling of his skin,
That smile that masked his fears…
And his laughter that made me grin.

Tears run down my cheeks…
Like the bullets he avoids each day…
This deployment is slowly killing me,
J wish he weren’t so far away…

I look at the empty spot in my bed,
The place where his body should be,
I shake with anguish and curse the gods…
I need him here…with me…

Every morning I wake in a deeper depression,
No one there to give me a kiss hello,
I find I’m losing myself gradually…
If he could only guess…does he know?

I eat and stare into the silence,
I can’t taste the food that passes my lips,
Just going through the motions of living…
I can’t go on like this…

I look forward only to hearing his voice,
Sometimes in reality or in my head,
I hold myself silently and find tears come easy…
Sometimes I wonder if I’m not already dead.

All throughout the day I worry…
War is hell they say…
He seems to be slipping into his own madness…
Will things ever be okay?


I pound my fists into myself,
Making bruises only I can see,
The pain reminds me I’m still living…
The pain is what helps me go to sleep.

Sometimes it’s as if I’m drowning…
Into a pool of my own tears…
Other times it’s as if I’m suffocating,
In the airs of my own fears.

Suddenly I remember his warm embrace,
The way he feels when he kisses my lips…
I remember his eyes when he said, “I love you”
I wonder if he knows how much he’s missed…

This is an average day…an average day,
Where suicide thoughts roam free…
Just an average day…an average day…
If you live a life like me.

This is my original work, DO NOT STEAL IT.